I’m back!

And I had a baby! Her name is Eva, and she’s already four months old. She’s marvelous.

I love seeing how curious she is about the world, and that she already shows signs of being an excellent adventurer. She lights up as soon as she’s put in her car seat.
 
(Although that may simply be because she loves sucking on the shoulder straps. Whatever works, right?)
 
As I prepared to write this first post since being back, I’ve wondered what exactly – of all the things I’ve learned in the last four months – I want most to share.
 
Giving birth, recovering from birth, learning to breastfeed, and adapting to life with a newborn have been intense experiences.

In Tessa Hadley’s novel The Past, she describes her female protagonist’s surprise at the “shock and violence” of the early days of motherhood.

That seems about right.
 
I don’t think any woman is spared from some level of trauma in birth and the days soon after. Unfortunately, my particular trauma was with breastfeeding.
 
(Turns out that being a mammal is not always so awesome. I suppose I should have suspected this when my dog had puppies last year. That occasional look of grim forbearance as her pups clung to her. “Alright, let’s get this over with,” she seemed to say.)  

I'll skip the gory details and simply say that I went through weeks of suffering and spiraling health problems.

Our sweet new daughter was thriving, but I wasn’t.
 
My husband took me to countless doctor's appointments. We tried all their treatments, and nothing seemed to help.
 
In my darkest moments, I felt trapped and isolated. I struggled to find the person who could finally help me recover, in a country, language and culture that wasn’t my own.
 
I felt light years away from my former self, and especially myself as a coach. Usually it was my job to help others, and yet now I was the one in desperate need of help.
 
Then, I found Krishinda.
 
A Barcelona-based midwife, she offered me a month of weekly sessions to help me get back on track with feeding our baby. It was a big commitment for me and my husband, both in time and money. Yet I intuitively felt that she could help me.
 
Essentially, we hired a breastfeeding coach.
 
At our first session Krishinda told me that I could call her every day with an update.  
 
That first week, I was amazed at how profoundly this helped me. Before I called her each day, I’d often be ready to give up, frustrated and despairing. Then, by the end of our call, I’d feel light again, upbeat.
 
When all she would have said to me was as simple as:
 
“What you did was exactly right. Good job.”
 
Or: “That’s fairly normal. A lot of women experience the same thing.”
 
Or: “You are a brave and determined mum.”
 
There was nothing complicated about what she offered me. In the end there was no one trick or piece of knowledge or special drug that solved my problems.
 
Krishinda knew that very well. She knew that what I really needed was warmth, empathy, reassurance, and encouragement – and that regular doses of these would build my confidence, which is what I really needed to get better.  
 
I thought about all the times I’d told my own clients that they could check in with me every day when they were going through a tough time or faced a challenging goal.
 
This more than anything brought me back to myself as a coach; this reminder of how simple support can be, and how powerful.
 
Toward the end of my health crisis, a naturopathic doctor reviewed all I had been through and said, “I believe that all your problems could have been avoided if you simply had one good midwife from the beginning.”
 
She was probably right. I hadn’t gotten better until I’d finally managed to assemble a support team who I trusted and who I felt genuinely cared that I got better.
 
That was another important reminder. In life’s most difficult moments, we need an ace team who is 100% on our side.
 
Which brings me back to you.

I know that in the midst of an overwhelming situation it can be difficult to make the time to recruit the right support. I know it can be hard to ask for help. I know that sometimes it feels too indulgent to spend money on support we really need. Sometimes we’ll spend money on just about anything else.  
 
Yet having the right people backing you makes all the difference. You get stronger, better and more confident – faster.
 
If you could ever use my support, I’m here. Drop me a line anytime.
 
I’m thrilled to be back and writing you! I hope that you’re well. We’re doing just fine over here.