Making the Most of Crossroads Moments

If you’ve been following me for a while, you’ve no doubt heard me talk about crossroads moments. They are at the heart of my coaching … because it’s most often at this moment that people come to work with me.

The Facts about Crossroad Moments

A crossroads moment is that moment when you sense that the path you’re currently on … and where it’s leading you, is not the right one for you.

👉 It’s lacking something.

👉 It’s not letting you express something important.

👉 It feels constraining or stifling.

👉 It’s not something you’d ever choose for yourself – if you’d had the opportunity.

At this point, it’s about contemplating what’s next, exploring possibilities, and making decisions. Sometimes that involves making some big changes. Maybe even scary or risky changes.

When do crossroads moments typically happen? 

In my experience crossroad moments are often triggered by a few common things: 

➡ A big life event, even those out of your control. Maybe a cancer diagnosis – for you or someone you are close to, has served as a wake-up call. Maybe you’ve split from your partner or gone through a divorce. Maybe someone close to you died. The pandemic that we all just lived through also served as one of these wake-up calls for many people. These big life events can cause us to realize that life is short and things need to change.

➡ Another very common trigger for a crossroads moment can be a decade birthday or other life phase. A decade birthday is your 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th birthday and beyond. These landmark birthdays often serve as markers for ourselves and our progress. They cause us to stop and consider … did I want to be here by this birthday, or did I want something totally different for myself? 

It can also be a mix of things, including:

➡ Your own inner voice. Crossroads moments often really arrive when your own inner voice just keeps insisting that this has to change. That you’re not happy. That you’re stuck. That you’ve got to do something about all this. 

By now, I imagine you’ve gotten a really good sense of what a crossroads moment is and what often triggers it.

The last thing that’s really important to know is that crossroads moments happen to all of us.

Not only that, but we all will hit them multiple times during our life.

So … if you’re here, you’re not alone.

If you’re not here, you likely will be someday, and you can be prepared.

And if you just got through one, notice that, celebrate it and be sure to take what you learned into the next one.

Feelings That May Come Up During A Crossroads Moment

A lot of the sensations that come with crossroads moments can negatively impact how well we navigate them. In fact, we end up avoiding them, or putting them off, staying stuck, and delaying until it’s really all so painful.

Lonely

Crossroads moments can often feel lonely. Now… I just said that we all go through these moments, but not necessarily at the same time, which can leave us feeling like we are the only ones dealing with this difficult situation.

Plus, the fact is that we all have to go through our crossroads moments by ourselves. We are the only ones who can choose for ourselves what is the right thing for us and our lives. So yes, it can feel lonely. But you don’t actually have to go through it alone.

Overwhelming

Crossroads moments, because they are a moment when you are considering a new direction, and because we live in a world full of possibilities, can feel overwhelming and daunting and confusing. Pretty much anyone who has a choice even just between two paths can feel overwhelmed. Imagine if you’re juggling 3, 4, 5 or more scenarios of what you possibly could do next. Often people come to work with me because they just want to stop spinning around in their heads between these options. 

Risky

Crossroads moments can also feel very risky. Especially if the path that you feel called to take is new for you. You’ve never done this before. Maybe you’ve never actually chosen your path before, you’ve just kind of gone with the flow. 
Maybe by nature, the path you take seems risky in itself. Maybe you’re leaving a very structured, well-paid profession like law or medicine or engineering to follow your dream of being an artist or entrepreneur. 

Maybe it feels risky because you can’t time travel and measure if the future benefit outweighs the current risk. Maybe what you have right now is as good as it gets, or good enough, and you shouldn’t tempt fate and give it up for something that might be worse than this! Maybe you should just try to be more grateful for what you have now.

The Significance of Crossroad Moments

Now that we’ve talked about some of those BIG feelings and sensations and doubts that come up around crossroads moments, you might understand why people might want to avoid these moments. Why they might downplay or even deny that they are standing at one.

So let me turn this around for a moment and talk about why these moments are SO important and why embracing them and deciding to do what you can to navigate them well is also SO important.

Crossroads moments are potent. Inside this moment is so much information about you, and your values and dreams and what a beautiful life looks like for you and those you love on this planet.

They are an opportunity to take what you’ve learned about yourself and your past and venture forward in a powerful new direction.

Maybe you’re on your current path because of circumstances, because of other people’s ideas about who you should be and what you should do, because of opportunities that landed in your lap and you took, but that maybe weren’t right for you.

A crossroads moment gives you the chance to switch your path then, to a new path that is purposeful and intentional and a truer expression of the best parts of you.

📝 If a crossroads moment is NOT dealt with in a timely way, they can lead to you getting really stuck, where it gets harder and harder for you to change. You don’t want to calcify! You might also want to avoid arriving at a phoenix moment where everything burns to the ground and you have to rise from the ashes. Though, there’s a reason why this is part of our mythology, those moments can be beautiful too.

I have no doubt that you’ve witnessed people around you who have come through their own crossroads moments well. These are probably people you admire. A neighbor who had a terrible accident and lost the use of his legs, but now leads an active life in his wheelchair and says that he likes himself better now than before the accident. Someone you used to work with who quit to pursue a new career, and is now nothing like that stressed, slightly angry co-worker you remember.

Also, think about the people in your life who have been talking for ages about wanting to make a change in their life but have made little progress on it. The most common one is people who complain about their jobs, but stay there year after year. Or maybe they know a significant relationship is not working for them but they haven’t ended it. Or maybe they really don’t like where they live, but they haven’t moved.

Now everyone has their reasons for not making their changes. And I always prefer to take a curious rather than a judgemental stance.

And yet, let’s just take an objective step back at these situations. What’s better? To stay stuck here in a place that is not working, or to trust that this really isn’t right for them and move through the discomfort and try to make some changes?

I’d say TRUST yourself. Trust that there is something better for you. Trust that moving through the discomfort and being brave is going to work out better for you in the long run.

How To Navigate Your Crossroads Moment: What’s Next?

If you’ve determined that you’re at a crossroads moment and that it’s time to move through it, what should you do next?

First I’d say that if the changes that you’re looking to make are sizeable, getting outside support is going to make it so much better, faster and less painful.

(What’s a sizeable change? Changing jobs or careers. Moving somewhere new. Improving relationships. Changing up lifestyle habits. Finally dedicating time to long-postponed projects or dreams and setting up new creative or personal practices to support them. Or a mix of these things.)

Now … can you get through a crossroads moment on your own? Can you stop by your favorite bookstore and get some powerful self-development books and take notes and journal and talk with your trusted friends and family members and seek advice, and make a plan and get through it?

Absolutely.

This is life. This is how life is typically handled, right?

So how is it that I have work as a coach that specializes in crossroads moments?

Because sometimes, it’s really hard to DIY it – to do it yourself.

Maybe you’re really having a hard time with clarity. What do you really want? What is the right path? That’s an issue of perspective.

Maybe the thing you know you should do is actually really scary, new and/or challenging. That’s an issue of needing new resources to help you meet that challenge.

Maybe you keep getting lost, going in circles, delaying and not dedicating time to it. That’s an issue of structure and process.

Maybe you are discouraged and lack the confidence to move ahead. That’s an issue of encouragement and restoration of self-belief.

Now your friends and family and coworkers all care a lot about you and want the best for you. They also want to help. But as you can imagine, it can be hard for them to provide all this support for you.

They also might be too close to you, and while you appreciate them, you’re not sure they really understand you and what you want, or you’re not sure they have the expertise to help you.

Not only that, but maybe they are also dealing with their own crossroads moments! (I find this a lot with my clients, if they are married or partnered, it’s common that their partner isn’t at the best place to support them, because they are also wondering what to do next with their career, or what would make them happier at this stage in life.)

As a coach – and especially in my Catalyst Coaching program which is designed for crossroads moments – I can help on all these fronts. Providing structure and accountability to actually deal with all these questions, to helping you get clear on what’s right for you and what you want, to helping you grow your bravery and accessing your self-confidence, and to encourage you and reassure you that all this is possible.

I am SO passionate about these moments because I so often see the contrast between where people stay when they avoid their crossroads moment, and what happens when they take it on bravely.

So here’s what I’d invite you to do:

Really think about the potential here in this crossroads moment – imagine, if you got through this in really a purposeful way, what could be awaiting you on the other side?

You have a new job that you like. You live somewhere you can grow roots. You have relationships that light you up. You are finally doing something you always dreamed of doing. You feel happier, freer, more purposeful.

Next think about the value in that - We are talking about life-changing value.

The thing about crossroads moments is that when you look back on these moments later in life, they stand out. For being hard, and also for being transformative.

Someday you’ll look back to right now, and say “that’s when everything changed – and got me on the path that led me here.”

If you’re in the process of navigating your own crossroads moment, get a copy of my free change planner to help you figure out your next step.