How to Keep Going After Your Goals—Even with Setbacks
Setbacks happen to all of us, every day. Whether it’s something specific and personal to you, such as a death in the family or not getting the loan you needed to start your business, or something that affects more people, such as a local election or a global pandemic, it seems we are constantly battling to continue forward on our goals.
Life is full of unpredictability. You might be wondering, how do I keep going amidst constant turmoil?
In today’s episode, I’m sharing how to focus on what you can control while keeping your goals and vision at the forefront, how to identify your values, and a big list of resources to help you keep going after your goals—even when setbacks arise.
In this episode, you’ll learn...
[07:22] Remembering what you can control, how concerns influence your choices, and taking action within the scope of your control
[11:46] How keeping your vision front and center can help you stay on track during challenging times
[16:00] How to stay focused on what keeps you growing and moving forward (instead of what makes you anxious and unproductive) and how to identify your values
[18:21] How to take practical steps toward building your inner resilience, including a list of helpful resources
This season is all about the different kinds of leaps you can make in your life. If you’re looking for habits and tools to keep you going after your leap, be sure to tune into this episode.
Links mentioned in this episode…
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey
Instructions for how to articulate your vision (inside the blog post “Should You Make a Big Career or Life Change During Moments of Uncertainty?” (blog post)
The Antiracist Business Book by Trudi Lebrón
Leap Like Me, episode 34: How to Become an Expert at Managing Your Energy
Hardwiring Happiness by Dr. Rick Hanson
Episode 35 with Elissa Weinzimmer
Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff
WHEN: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel H. Pink
Mating in Captivity by Dr. Esther Perel
The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker
Follow Priya Parker on Instagram
We Should Get Together by Kat Vellos
Transcript of Episode 36: How to Keep Going After Your Goals—Even with Setbacks
[00:00:00] Lisa Hoashi Because no matter how imperfect our world is, no matter how tough, I still think it's an incredibly worthy goal to arrive at the end of your life and be able to look back and say, for all of that, I still had a good life.
[00:00:21] Welcome to Leap Like Me, the podcast that helps you to be bold in life, to stretch what's possible and find more adventure, joy and purpose along the way. I'm your host, Lisa Hoashi. I'm a life coach who can help if you're ready to take a new, more authentic direction in life. On Leap Like Me, we share the inspiring stories of people like you who have made a brave leap and offer practical tips for how to set your leap in motion, too. Let's get started.
[00:01:00] A question that is becoming increasingly relevant is how do you keep going after your most important goals for life and work even through the most difficult times? I'm recording this episode in late October 2022, and I was inspired to pick this topic today, in part because of a client that I was speaking to last week in London who had nearly just achieved a major goal. We were celebrating this when it was stalled by the country's political crisis, when Liz Truss stepped down as Prime Minister after only six weeks and no one knew which way anything was going.
[00:01:48] Given his incredibly intense week, my client asked me, How do you keep going after your most important goals in life and work, even in a very difficult context, with so much unpredictability and even with so many setbacks? I really started grappling with this question. I think when I moved eight years ago to Spain to marry the man, I had fallen in love with this Catalan farmer to move onto the farm and in doing so, or to also start a remote business, a business that I could do from the farm. And I had decided to become a coach. And then I discovered that starting a business and starting a business in a foreign country was a lot harder than I thought it was. And I should really say, we discovered that starting a coaching business was harder than we thought. Because my husband was beside me, supporting me all the way, and experienced all the learning and disappointments and setbacks alongside me.
[00:03:01] And this is when I started to learn some of the tools and the mindset that really has helped me over the years to stay the course. And I think it's really like at that moment I really start collecting them and realizing how important they were to be if I was going to really pursue and make happen this dream of having my own business. And then, you know, at the onset of the pandemic, this question also really loomed large once again and for people across the globe. At that moment, life as we knew it was coming into question. You know, our reality was coming into question, not just like our bigger goals and our dreams for that time. Once, you know, you sort of adjusted to everything that was happening with the pandemic and maybe it was like, okay, life is not ended as we know it. Maybe there's some continuity. You know, then you start to think about, well, like, what about my dreams and my longer term goals then? And for me specifically, my dream at that time was still that I wanted to continue my work and I still wanted to grow my business. And now I was faced with the reality of having to do it amid great uncertainty.
[00:04:17] I'm sure that as you're listening, you know, and you're just reflecting back to your own moment in time, then, that you might have seen yourself follow that same timeline of first, it's like everything is up in the air and then, okay, maybe there's a little bit more certainty or some semblance of a routine or we're going to get through this. And then it's like, well, what about what about those other things that were really important to me? What about the things my plans and the things I wanted to do? Is there still room for that and what kind of approach should I have to them? And I saw this in my clients during that time around, that beginning onset of the pandemic. I saw how one of my clients was on the verge of taking a sabbatical that we had been working on and planning together for months. And then lockdown happened and I was like, ahh and the question became, you know, should she stay put longer in a job that she was so ready to leave or should she make the leap? And it seemed even more riskier, of course, at that point. And should she go ahead and start her sabbatical when everything was so uncertain?
[00:05:29] Meanwhile, I also had a previous client who had finally started her sabbatical that we had coached her towards several years before, and she was finally in Buenos Aires, having the time of her life on her sabbatical when the pandemic hit and she had to return home early. So life and work as she know before. And another client of mine, he had been interviewing for jobs and wanting to make a change. But would it be better if he held tight and stayed put to be safe? Or should he keep going with his desire to get a better paying and more interesting job? I was really forced to think like what was important to hang on to right now for myself and for my clients.
[00:06:15] The first thing that's important to say about when things get really tough or uncertain is that everyone's circumstances and therefore their decisions are going to be different. For example, my client, who is poised to take her sabbatical, she decided eventually that it was a better time to go after another job instead. And my client, who was interviewing for jobs, he kept the faith that something was better out there for him, and he switched jobs in 2020. And me, I started compiling and practicing some of the principles that I'm going to share with you today. They've helped me to weather these storms and remained aligned not always perfectly, but better than before with my bigger vision and values in life. Because no matter how imperfect our world is, no matter how tough, I still think it's an incredibly worthy goal to arrive at the end of your life and be able to look back and say, for all of that, I still had a good life.
[00:07:22] I'm going to share with you three key areas where if you are able to keep growing in these areas, you will increase your resilience and your ability to keep moving towards your bigger goals, even while living in a challenging world. All right. So number one, remember what you can control. You may have heard of the idea of the circle of control before is a concept from Stephen Covey book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. In this book, Colby wrote that all issues fall into one of two rings of control. So I just want you to imagine. Bring to mind. A circle with a smaller circle inside. All right. So the outer circle is the outer ring, and then you have the inner circle inside of it. He call it the outer ring, the circle of concern. It represents everything that troubles or worries us. We don't have a lot of influence over these issues. This could include economists warning about recessions, rising inflation, prime minister stepping down after six weeks. And then the circle of influence represents what you can control or impact somehow. It's smaller and it's important to remember, but the circle of concern, there are definitely things in it that we definitely can't control or impact. And also, it's important to remember that, like, you know, within these circles, there's also you yourself, your body, your person, your mind, your spirit. And to remember that you have control over yourself and your own reactions and your choices.
[00:09:15] Remember the quote by Viktor Frankl, the psychologist and Holocaust survivor. In his book, Man's Search for Meaning. Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing. Your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You could even get to the point where you conclude like, what's the point of even trying to change jobs when companies are starting to downsize? What's the point of continuing to work toward my goal of owning a home when there's a recession? What's the point of continuing with my creative work if I'm never going to get paid as an artist? What's the point of starting a business if now is not a good time? So I want you to know that I also have a subscription to The New York Times, and I definitely have moments when I am doomscrolling, when I should be curling up with a nice light novel and getting ready for bed instead. I know that it's not good for me. I know it's not going to get me where I want to go.
[00:10:40] So what to do? First of all, it's important to remember that the circle of concern is important, and you should allow it to influence your choices. For example, right now I'm concerned about the governor race in my home state of Oregon. I don't have a lot of control over it. And sometimes I feel particularly powerless because I'm in Spain and not in Oregon. But I can make sure that I get my ballot in on time. And I can also sign up to do some phone banking or other types of volunteering from afar. Right. So I can take that concern and I can do something which is within the realm of my control. Another thing that you can do is notice where you are spending most of your time. Are you in the more productive and calmer place of being in your body and your self making choices that are good for you? Or are you going between freaking out and hopelessness while you're hanging out on the periphery of the circle of concern? You do have a choice of where you put your focus and your energy.
[00:11:46] All right. Here is the second place that I would encourage you to continue to grow. Refresh and hang on to your vision. During the pandemic and the series of crises that we've gone on to experience. You may have found it hard to keep faith in your longer term dreams. My husband and I, for example, have long had the dream of taking a sabbatical to take a campervan around New Zealand, for example. Sometimes the destination changes, actually. I also dream of taking my family to Patagonia for a big adventure too. But at any rate, this has been a long time dream for us. And sometimes when he and I are in the middle of family logistics, like who's taking what kid to the doctor or picking up whom from school or other negotiations? Like, should I take this new job day? Get us some extra income? Or should we get solar panels to safeguard against rising energy prices, etc., etc., etc.. We catch ourselves and we can kind of laugh and be like, Wow, look at us. And also, look how far off that dream still feels. Will there ever be not a recession or a pandemic or an illness or another big issue that doesn't stand in our way? How will we make it happen?
[00:13:15] And so here are two ways that keeping a vision like my husband and my family sabbatical, dream, front and center can really help you in hard times. Number one, your dreams are an expression of you at your best. They represent your values. What you feel makes a life worthwhile on this earth. They're full of this energy and inspiration that in itself can sustain you with its beauty. These are dreams, right? Number two, also, since these dreams are pure expressions of what's important to you, they can also serve as your North Star in moments of difficulty. So maybe, for example, you have a dream to own your own home. But in the current context, there are some barriers to how you're going to make that happen. Well, it's still important, so don't give up. So how else could you make it happen? Like, for example, are there some ways that you can experience what you want with that dream now before you're able to completely accomplish that goal? Maybe you want to own your own home so that you can decorate it just the way you like it and make it this really colorful and cozy space. Well, how can you do that in the current place that you live? By the way, one of my favorite blogs is apartment therapy. I love seeing really nice decor, and I also love seeing the amazing things that people can do to their apartments, especially like tiny New York City apartments. And even when they are just renting them. So inspiration there.
[00:14:58] The thing that you want to get at is what is an iteration of this dream that still expresses your values and has the desired impact on your life, even if it's on a smaller scale or it takes form in a different way? Remember, as you navigate a rapidly changing world, your vision of your ideal future is your North Star ensuring that you stay on track for where you want to go. Now, when is the last time you checked in on your vision for your life? Perhaps you worked with me before and your mind map is posted on the wall in front of your desk. Maybe you're looking at it right now as you're listening. Or maybe you have never really worked on your vision before. And in that case, head on over to my website for my instructions on how to do that. Head over to LisaHoashi.com/blog/vision.
[00:16:00] All right. Here's the third place where it's really important to continue growing, to keep after your goals and dreams in tough times. Number three, focus. So during uncertain or overwhelming times, we need to focus. So we aren't out there on those rims. The circle of concern. Not sleeping. Not productive. Stressed. Anxious. And there are two things that can really help you with staying focused. The first is the check in with your vision, like we just talked about. Which parts of that vision are most important for you to work on right now, which will make the most difference to you? Are there any that are more time sensitive than others? Keeping one to three priorities in front of you can help you stay focused and make better decisions, including saying no to the things that are going to distract you or are just adding extra stuff to your to do list.
[00:17:07] Values are another way of helping you to make solid decisions during times that feel fraught or uncertain. Have you ever done a values exercise? A very simple way to do this is to take a value sheet. So this is just going to be a document that lists a whole bunch of values, and you can find many of these on the Internet through just doing a quick search. What you want to do is you want to go through the list and just start circling all the values, words that sound like you. You know, they could be like integrity or positivity. And then whittle them down until you have about five different values that really represent you and what you stand for. My business mentor, Trudi Lebrón, has a whole chapter dedicated to this exercise in her book, The Anti-Racist Business Book. It's Chapter five. Start with your values. So if you want to go a little bit deeper, I highly recommend picking that book of the anti-racist business book. And it's chapter five. Start with your values. Values are a tool, she writes. They are a guide, and they will help you with your decision making.
[00:18:21] All right. There is a third growth area that I highly recommend that is really going to support you through these times. And within this growth area, there are a lot of resources that I'm going to share with you. All right. So this growth area is really about taking some practical steps toward building your inner resources and resilience. So I want to encourage you to become more knowledgeable about and also start building some practices around some different resilience areas. All right. One of those is managing your energy. And I really want you to check out episode 34 of this podcast where I broke down and really gave a good overview of what it means to manage your energy. So that episode is episode 34 How to Become an Expert at Managing Your Energy. It's going to give you ideas about how to renew your energy. And also how to stop some energy drains and the habits that are to support you to do that.
[00:19:31] Another area that I would really recommend that you do some looking into is around mindfulness and also mindset. And one of the books I often like to recommend and this person's work I also recommend is Hardwiring Happiness by Dr. Rick Hanson. Dr. Hanson works at the intersection of brain science and Buddhism, and he shows you how you can use meditation and what he calls taking in the good, like really pausing to savor the good things that happen in order to rewire your brain, to think more positively than negatively. And to be honest, his soothing and calm presence is a bit like meditating with Mr. Rogers. But I think he's really fun and such a genuine person and a huge resource. Another book that I have really appreciated recently when kind of thinking about, you know, this inner game is Deb Dana's book anchored and her work with poly vagal theory. And you can hear me talk about that more with voice and presence. Coach Elissa Weinzimmer in Episode 35. So definitely check that out.
[00:20:47] Another thing that you can do to really build your inner resources is to also get better at self-compassion. So if you struggle with a tough inner critic, then you would likely benefit from the self-compassion exercises and practices that are suggested by Kristin Neff in her book called Self-Compassion. And she also has many resources on her website. And Neff is a leading expert on self-compassion, offering tools that you can use to motivate yourself with kindness rather than criticism. There's been more and more coming out about the benefits of self-compassion. So if you haven't looked into it, I highly recommend that.
[00:21:33] The last sort of category here that I want to mention about really building your inner resources are really around some habits for productivity. And I think that I became a habits and productivity nerd because I started my career as a writer. And then I realized that writing every day and being a creative person every day was a really hard and really required fine tuning your habits. So I wanted both productivity and creativity, and that was really difficult, I found to be able to find the right mixture of that. And it became a really interesting area of study for me. So a couple of things that I want to share in this whole productivity realm are one of my favorite books about how to build habits, which is Atomic Habits by James Clear, and the other books that I have found has really stayed with me was the book When: the Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing by Daniel H. Pink. I really love his work, but this book is about when is the right time for you to do things, which is there are a lot of questions that we have about when should I do this? When should I do that? And it's an excellent book for learning more about that.
[00:22:52] And the last thing that I want to mention around productivity is an online community that has really helped me, really supported me to actually do the things I need to do to continue working toward my bigger goals. And that community is called Cave Day. Cave Day is an organization that brings people together in this online coworking groups. So what you do is you join a working group on Zoom at the top of the hour. You see what you're going to do at the end of the hour. You say what you did and you all work there together in community. The people are fabulous and they use a lot of best practices for how to do deep work and focus that then you can take on into the rest of your workday. But it really has results. They have boosted my productivity and happiness in my remote work life since 2020, and sometimes I moonlight for them as an online facilitator for some of those co-working sessions. So you also might see me there.
[00:24:00] All right. The very last area that I want to mention for really building like your your inside game is really your relationships. So it's so important that we don't forget to continue to intentionally cultivate our relationships. Strong social relationships have been shown to have a positive impact on our overall mental health and to us living longer. Some of the people who I really appreciate in the relationship arena are Dr. Esther Perel. She has a book called Mating in Captivity, which is a great one for people who are in long term romantic partnerships. If you are single dating or looking for love, check out the work of Dr. Alexandra Solomon Pria Parker has amazing ideas for how to gather people in more meaningful ways. Her Instagram account or her book, The Art of Gathering, are both great places to start. And recently, I just started getting into the work of Kat Vellos and Dr. Marissa Franco, who both talk about how to better develop friendships as an adult. Kat Vellos has a new book called We Should Get Together The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships, and Maria Franco's book is called Platonic How the Science of Attachment Can Help You Make and Keep Friends. We really need our friends and to cultivate our community through these times, and especially as we bounce back from everything that we went through with all of the social distancing of the pandemic.
[00:25:47] All right. All that is the end of the roundup and the end of this episode. If I can leave you with one idea today, it's that there are a lot of things out of our control in this world. There's a lot to get you down. And there is also a lot to support you and your dreams. There are a lot of practical, small steps that will make your life better no matter what happens. And I also want you to know that you keeping on with this is a powerful and inspiring example to others, including me. So keep going.
[00:26:28] Friends. Thank you for listening to this episode of Leap Like Me. There are a lot of resources in this episode, so be sure to head on over to LisaHoashi.com/podcast for the show notes. We've listed them all out there, including a promo code for a free trial of CAVEDAY if you want to check it out. Until next time, be bold and take good care.