Navigating Crossroads Moments
Have you ever had that moment where you just feel like you’re not quite on the right path? Maybe you’re in a career that just doesn’t align with the future you see for yourself. Or perhaps you’ve had a health crisis that’s got you thinking about your whole life in a different way.
In these moments, you have the choice of continuing on your current path or making a change. This is your crossroads moment (probably one of several you’ll experience in your life), and I’m here to walk you through your options for how to proceed.
In today’s episode, I’m discussing how to know when you’re at a crossroads moment, what emotions that can bring up and how to sort through them, the opportunities that a crossroads moment offers you, and all the ways you can navigate these impactful moments.
Crossroads moments can feel daunting, but focusing on what’s on the other side is hugely helpful to taking the brave steps necessary to move forward. You may find greater happiness, fulfill a lifelong dream, or challenge yourself. No matter what, it will be worth it.
And if you’re looking for extra support in navigating your own crossroads moment, I’m here to coach you through these big changes and leaps. Visit my coaching page or send me a message to learn more.
In this episode, you’ll learn...
[01:44] How to define a crossroads moment and what might trigger one
[05:28] How a crossroads moment feels and how to navigate those emotions
[08:50] Why crossroads moments can be so impactful to your life
[12:28] What to do next if you know you’re at a crossroads moment, and the benefits of hiring a coach to help you through
[15:56] Seeing the potential in your crossroads moment and the value in taking a leap
This season is all about the different kinds of leaps you can make in your life. If you’re looking for habits and tools to keep you going after your leap, be sure to tune into this episode.
If you’re in the middle of navigating your own crossroads moment, check out my change planner and use it as a tool to help you as you plan your path forward!
Links mentioned in this episode…
Download my FREE change planner
Check out my Catalyst Coaching program
Transcript of Episode 41: Navigating Crossroads Moments
[00:00:00] Lisa Hoashi The thing about Crossroads moments is that when you look back on these moments later in life, they stand out. They stand out because they were hard and they were also transformative. Someday you'll look back to right now and say that's when everything changed and got me on the path that led me here.
[00:00:23] Welcome to Leap Like Me, the podcast that helps you to be bold in life, to stretch what's possible and find more adventure, joy and purpose along the way. I'm your host, Lisa Hoashi. I'm a life coach who can help if you're ready to take a new, more authentic direction in life. On Leap Like Me. We share the inspiring stories of people like you who have made a brave leap and offer practical tips for how to set your leap in motion, too. Let's get started.
[00:01:04] Here on Leap Like Me, we talk a lot about the leaps that people take in life. We talk about how they take them and what happened after. Today, though, I want to talk about this super important stage that often leads up to a leap: the crossroads moment. If you've been following me for a while, you've no doubt heard me talk about crossroads moments. They are at the heart of my coaching because it's most often at this moment that people come to work with me. So what is a crossroads moment and how do you know if you have hit it? This is the question we're going to tackle today as well as what to do next if you're in the midst of one right now.
[00:01:54] A crossroads moment is that moment when you sense that the path that you're currently on and where it's leading you is not the right one for you. It's lacking something. It's not letting you express something important. It feels constraining or stifling. It's not something you'd ever choose for yourself if you had had the opportunity. So you're standing at this place in life and looking ahead and wondering, should I take that other path or this other one? Or maybe there's one that I can't even see right now. All I know is that this path that led me here is not the one I want to keep going on. So a crossroads moment is a moment of asking, what's next? It's about exploring possibilities and making some decisions.
[00:02:52] A lot of people refer to it as starting a new chapter. And sometimes that involves making some big changes, maybe even risky or scary changes. So when do Crossroads moments typically happen? In my experience, they're often triggered by a few common things. It could be triggered by a big life event. Even those out of your control. So it could be a cancer diagnosis for you or someone you're close to that served as a wake up call. Maybe you split from your partner or gone through a divorce. Maybe someone close to you died. The pandemic that we all just lived through also served as one of these wake up calls for many people. These big life events can cause us to realize that life is short and things need to change.
[00:03:47] Another very common trigger for a crossroads moment can be a decade birthday or another life phase. So a decade birthday is what I call your 30th, 40th, 50th, 60th birthday and beyond. And these landmark birthdays often serve as markers for ourselves and our progress. They cause us to stop and think and consider, did I want to be here by this birthday? Or did I want something totally different for myself? Mind you, a crossroads moment can be triggered by a mix of all of these things, as well as one more thing, and that is your own inner voice. Crossroads moments often really arrive when your own inner voice just keeps insisting that this has to change. That you're not happy, that you're stuck. That you've just got to do something about all this.
[00:04:43] By now, I imagine that you've gotten a good sense of what a crossroads moment is and what often triggers it. Now, the last thing that's really important to know is that crossroads moments happen to all of us. And not only that, but we will all hit them multiple times during our life. So if you're here, you're not alone. And if you're not here, you likely will be someday. And you can be prepared. And if you just got through a crossroads moment, notice that, celebrate it and be sure to take what you learned into the next one. Now, in this overview that I just completed about what a crossroads moment is, we started to get a bit into how a moment like this feels. And I want to go into these feelings a little bit more now because the way that Crossroads moments feel and the fact that they often feel not so nice has a lot to do with how well we navigate them and how to make the most of them.
[00:05:48] So actually a lot of the sensations that come up with Crossroads moments negatively impact how well we navigate them. In fact, because of these feelings or sensations, we end up avoiding crossroads moments or putting them off or staying stuck and delaying until it's all really so painful. So let's take a look at what's going on here. Crossroads moments can often feel lonely. Now, I just said that we all go through these moments, but just not at the same time. And often they're very personal, deeply personal moments. So all of that often leaves us with the sensation that we are the only ones dealing with this difficult situation. Plus, the fact is that we all have to go through our crossroads moments by ourselves. We are the only ones who can choose what is the right thing for us in our lives. So, yeah, it can feel lonely. But you actually don't have to go through it alone.
[00:06:51] Crossroads moments because they are a moment when you're considering a new direction. And because we live in a world full of possibilities, can also feel overwhelming and daunting and confusing. Pretty much anyone who has a choice, even just between two paths, can feel overwhelmed. Imagine, then, if you're juggling three, four, five or more scenarios of what you could possibly do next in your life or in your work. Often people come to work with me because they just want to stop spinning around in their heads between these options. Crossroads moments can also feel very risky, especially if the path that you feel called to take is new for you. You've never done this before, and maybe you've never actually chosen your own path before. You've just kind of gone with the flow. Maybe by nature, the path that you want to take. Seems risky in itself. For example, maybe you're leaving a very structured, well-paid and well thought of profession like law or medicine or engineering, to follow your dream of being an artist or an entrepreneur. Maybe it feels risky because you can't time travel and measure if the future benefit outweighs the current risk. Every risk is about stepping into the unknown, and you also may be worried that what you have right now is as good as it gets or is good enough. And you shouldn't tempt fate and give it up for something that might be worse than this. Maybe, you think, you should just try to be more grateful for what you have right now?
[00:08:32] Now that we've talked about some of those big feelings and sensations and doubts that come up around these crossroads moments, you might understand why people might want to avoid these moments, why they might want to downplay or even deny that they are standing at one. So let me turn this around for a moment and talk about why these moments are so important and why embracing them and deciding to do what you can to navigate them well is also so important. Crossroads moments are potent. Inside this moment is so much information about you and your values and your dreams and what a beautiful life looks like for you and those you love on this planet. They're an opportunity to take what you've learned about yourself and your past and venture forward into a powerful new direction. Maybe you're on your current path because of circumstances, because of other people's ideas about who you should be and what you should do, because of opportunities that landed in your lap and that you took, but maybe they weren't right for you.
[00:09:46] A crossroads moment gives you the chance to switch your path to a new path that is purposeful and intentional and a truer expression of the best parts of you. Also, if a crossroads moment is not dealt with in a timely way, they can lead you to getting really stuck where it gets harder and harder for you to change. You don't want to calcify. You also want to avoid maybe arriving at that phoenix moment where everything burns to the ground and you have to rise from the ashes. Though there is a reason why this is part of our mythology. Those moments can be beautiful too. I have no doubt that you have witnessed people around you who have come through their own crossroads moments well. These are probably people you admire. Maybe it's a neighbor who had a terrible accident and lost the use of his legs, but now has adapted to life in his wheelchair and is active and social and says that he likes himself better now than before the accident. Maybe someone you used to work with used to be stressed and slightly angry, but they quit their job to pursue a new career and they're totally different now.
[00:11:05] Go back even in this podcast, to listen to all the interviews with the people that we've brought on and listen to how they have made the most of their own crossroads moments. It is incredibly inspiring. Also, think about the people in your life who have been talking for ages about wanting to make a change in their life but have made little progress on it. The most common one is people who complain about their jobs but stay there year after year. Or maybe they know that significant relationship is not working for them, but they haven't ended it. Or maybe they really don't like where they live, but they haven't moved. Now everyone has their reasons for not making their changes, and I always prefer to take a curious rather than judgmental stance. And I also believe that it's important that people trust their own timeline.
[00:11:58] And yet, if we were to just take an objective step back to look at these situations, what is better: to stay stuck in a place that is not working? Or to trust that this isn't really right for you and to move through that discomfort and try to make some changes? I'd say trust yourself. Trust that there is something better for you. Trust that moving through the discomfort and being brave is going to work out better for you in the long run.
[00:12:29] Now, if you've determined that you are at a crossroads moment and it's time to move through it, what should you do next? First, I'd say that if the changes that you're looking to make are sizable, getting outside support is going to make it so much better, faster and less painful. So what's a sizable change? Changing jobs or careers. Moving somewhere new. Improving relationships. Changing up lifestyle habits. Finally dedicating time to long postponed projects or dreams. And setting up the new creative or personal practices to support them. Or it can be a mix of all these things.
[00:13:11] Now, can you get through a crossroads moment on your own? Can you stop by your favorite bookstore and get some powerful self-development books and take notes and journal and talk with your trusted friends and family members and seek advice and make a plan and get through it? Absolutely. This is life and this is how life is typically handled. Right. So how is it that I work as a coach that specializes in Crossroads moments? Because sometimes it really is hard to DIY it. To do it yourself. Maybe you're having a hard time with clarity. What do you really want? What is the right path? That's an issue of perspective. Maybe the thing you know you need to do is actually really scary, new or challenging. That's an issue of needing new resources to help you meet that challenge. Maybe you keep getting lost, going in circles, delaying or not dedicating time to it. That's an issue of structure and process. Maybe you're discouraged and lack confidence to move ahead. That's an issue of encouragement and restoration of self-belief.
[00:14:25] Now your family and friends and coworkers all care a lot about you, and they want the best for you. And they also would like to help. But as you can imagine, it can be hard for them to provide all of this support for you. They also might be too close to you. And while you appreciate them, you may not be sure that they really understand you and what you want or you're not sure that they have the expertize to help you. Not only that, but maybe they're also dealing with their own crossroads moments. I find this a lot with my clients. If they're married or partnered, it's common that their partner also is not at the best place to support them because they're also wondering what to do next with their career or what would make them happier at this stage in life.
[00:15:13] As a coach, and especially in my Catalyst coaching program, which is designed for these crossroads moments, I can help on all these fronts. Providing structure and accountability to actually deal with all these questions, to helping you get clear on what's right for you and what you really want, to helping you grow your bravery and accessing your self-confidence and to encourage you and reassure you that all of this is possible. I'm so passionate about these moments because I so often see the contrast of where people stay when they avoid their crossroads moment and what can happen when they take it on bravely. We're talking major transformation.
[00:15:56] So here's what I'd like to invite you to do. So here's what I invite you to do. Really think about the potential here in this crossroads moment. Imagine if you got through this in a really purposeful way. What could be awaiting you on the other side? Maybe you have a new job that you like. Maybe you live somewhere that you can really grow roots and community. Maybe you have relationships that really light you up and really make you feel accompanied through this life. Maybe you're finally doing something you always dreamed of doing. Of creating. Maybe you feel happier, freer, more purposeful. Next, think about the value in that. We are talking about a life changing value.
[00:16:47] So this has been the episode on Crossroads Moments and some key takeaways here are that everyone has Crossroads moments, they're a natural part of life. They are also a potent part of life. With so much positive potential within them. If you avoid them, they can get long, drawn out and painful and even damaging. What's best is to face them bravely and trust yourself as you move through them. It's also super important to get support for them when you get stuck. We talked about the emotions and the stakes and the situations where they can get tricky.
[00:17:29] And if there's one thing I want to leave you with, it's this: Whatever you're facing at your crossroads moment, you can move through it. It's important that you move through it. And there are best practices that can help you move through it. I teach these to my clients in my Catalyst coaching program so they can use them whenever they reach another one of these important life crossroads. It is important not to spend too long here. You can get unstuck and there's definitely so much waiting for you on the other side. The thing about Crossroads moments is that when you look back on these moments later in life, they stand out. They stand out because they were hard and they were also transformative. Someday you'll look back to right now and say that's when everything changed and got me on the path that led me here.
[00:18:27] Hey, everyone, it's Lisa Hoashi, and I just want to thank you for joining us on Leap Like Me. If you want to keep going with our theme today and explore what might be in store for you with your own crossroads moment, grab a copy of my change planner. You can download your free copy at LeapLikeMe.com. Get all of these thoughts and scenarios out of your head and onto paper where they can start making sense. Again, you can get your copy at LeapLikeMe.com. Until next time, be bold and take good care.
